“Go away. I’m wallowing in self pity.”
“I thought misery loves company.”
“I hate clichés.”
“I know.”
…
“Oh, go away.”
“Why-”
“Because you’re annoying and are the last thing I want to be around right now.”
“That’s a little harsh, and wasn’t really the answer I was expecting.”
“What were you expecting?”
“If you had let me finish, I would have been able to ask why you’re wallowing. And I was expecting you to answer that instead of telling me why you want me to go away.”
“Oh.”
“So, why are you wallowing?”
“Because I’m friendless and unloved.”
“I love you.”
“You don’t count. You’re not real.”
“I’m not?”
“No. You’re a figment of my imagination.”
“Oh, am I? I was unaware of the fact.”
“That’s one of the nice things about imaginary friends. It helps you to delude yourself into thinking you have real ones.”
“But you apparently have not deluded yourself enough.”
“I guess not.”
“Isn’t it a little peculiar for a girl of your age to have an imaginary friend?”
“Maybe I’m just crazy then.”
“The fact that you don’t think I’m real would negate that.”
“Fine, then I’m just peculiar. Which is why you’re my only friend.”
“See? You’re not friendless.”
“Just unloved.”
“I already told you I loved you, didn’t I?”
“And I’m forced to remind myself, yet again, that you’re not real.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because…”
“Because?”
“I guess… because I can’t see you.”
“And if you could, would you believe I’m real?”
“I’d commit myself.”
“So we’re back to the crazy theory?”
“Apparently.”
…
“Do you know my name?”
“I made you up in kindergarten. You’d think I’d have made one up for you by now.”
“Then what is it?”
“… I… don’t know. I guess I forgot it. I did have a real friend or two for a while there.”
“Would you like to know what it is?”
“No, I want you to go away so I can continue to revel in my teen angst.”
“It’s Robin-”
“How nice.”
“-Goodfellow.”
…
“Pardon?”
“Or you could call me ‘Puck’ if you like.”
“Yup. I’m crazy.”
“Might as well be. Most humans do get that way after spending extended periods of time with a faerie. Or at least, that’s how other humans view them. Once they get to that point it doesn’t usually seem at all strange to faeries.”
“I’m sorry. Faerie?”
“Well, I’m a pucca to be more precise.”
“I think I’m going to go lie down now.”
“You won’t get rid of me that easily. I can speak to you in the realm of dreams too, you know.”
“Yeah, and I’ll bet you can control my dreams to, huh?”
“Yes actually. Haven’t you ever wondered why you haven’t had any nightmares since you ‘made me up’?”
“Ha! See? I made you up. You admitted it!”
“Don’t be childish. I was only quoting you. Actually, you’ve been visited by faeries all your life which is precisely why you’ve always been regarded as ‘strange’ by other humans.”
“Uh huh.”
“And I decided I liked your games of pretend. You’re imagination is truly unique among humans.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Don’t hold imagination in so little regard. Given the right training an imagination can create incredible things.”
“You’re starting to sound a little corny.”
“I’m serious. Magic cannot be created without imagination.”
“Yeah… I’m going back to the taking a nap idea.”
“Why? When you wake you’ll still be here. Still have all the same problems. Still have all the same stress. Still have all the feelings of hurt.”
“At least it’s a temporary release.”
“How would you like a permanent release?”
“I… I am going crazy. Now the voices are telling me to commit suicide.”
“I suggested nothing of the sort.”
“Then what were you suggesting?”
“Come away with me.”
“Where?”
“To the faerie realm.”
“…”
“You won’t believe the things you’ll be able to do there with your sort of imagination. The power you’ll have.”
“…”
“And you’d never have to fret over useless mortal troubles ever again… unless you’d like to assist in some… or make them worse. I’ve found it depends on my mood.”
“I…”
“Yes?”
“You’re not real. I’ve probably got a fever. I’m going to take some medicine and go to bed.”
“Medicine won’t make me go away, love.”
“Then what will?”
“Deciding.”
“Deciding what?”
“Whether you’ll come away with me or not.”
“But… I can’t?”
“Why not?”
“It’s not possible. You’re not real.”
He sighed. “How about this. You’re very good at pretend. Pretend for a moment that I am real and make your decision.”
“But-”
“On the one hand, you can stay here and never be troubled by faeries again. No more sweet dreams. No more miraculously acing tests you didn’t study for. No more finding that the things you’ve absent-mindedly wished for have ‘coincidentally’ come true.”
“…And on the other hand?”
“On the other hand… you’ll have tremendous powers, you’ll be allowed to do whatever you wish whenever you wish it, you’ll never again feel human stress or pain, and… you’ll spend eternity with one who loves you.”
“And who’s that?”
“I really do hate repeating myself.”
“And I’d never see my family or friends again.”
“What family? What friends? I thought you were friendless and unloved.”
“But-”
“What have you got to lose?”
“It makes no difference. You’re still not real and there’s no such place as the faerie realm.”
“You know what happens when someone says there’s no such thing as faeries.”
“I didn’t say there weren’t.”
“I think you had probably better clap your hands just in case.”
I began to clap but stopped myself. “This is ridiculous.”
“So you don’t believe in faeries?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then you do believe I’m real.”
“You couldn’t possibly be.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t see… oh my. I am crazy.”
“What do you think? I’m not exactly ‘prince charming’ but then you’ve never been into that sort of guy.”
“I… oh… my… You have horns.”
“Brilliant observation.”
“But no goat legs?”
“I’ve found that the full satyr look has never been a big hit with the ladies.”
“And the horns are?”
“What do you think of them?”
“I… er… uh…”
“That bad?”
“No, no. I just… umm.. think…”
“Ah, that good?”
“They’re just… a little strange is all… Ok. I’m done hallucinating now. You can go away.”
“Strangely attractive or just strange?”
“Oh… uh… I… the… ah… former. But, once again, it doesn’t matter because you’re not real.”
“You ought to trust your senses.”
“Two out of five could easily go faulty.”
“Shall we test the rest of them? How about touch?”
I gasped. “The…th… three out of five isn’t so good.”
“Taste?”
“Wai- … hmmmmm.”
“Believe in me yet?”
“Oh…”
“Sorry. I suppose I should have held back a little. I forgot that that would be your first kiss.”
“yeah…”
…
“Come away with me.”
“I-”
“Yes or no.”
“Ye… n… I don’t know! I still don’t even know if I’m dreaming. Ow! What’d you do that for?”
“I thought a pinch was usually what humans do to prove they aren’t sleeping.”
“Well, yeah… but…”
“You’re awake and I’m quite real.”
“Holy crap.”
“So which do you choose? An eternity with me or a short humdrum life?”
“But, if you are real, faeries don’t just take people away to make them happy. They take them away to be slaves.”
“Not necessarily. Changlings, for instance, we raise as our own and give them great powers.”
“Yes, but changelings are taken as babies.”
“Your point, baby?”
“Hardy har.”
“I think they’ll be willing to make an exception in this case. In fact, many faeries kidnap people because they think they’re lovely or because they simply like them. Actually, faeries tend to do what they please when they please.”
“How do I know you’re not tricking me… if you are in fact real.”
“I’m insulted. What makes you think I’d do a thing like that?”
“Because you’re one of the most infamous tricksters in all of mythology.”
“Oh, ‘Infamous’ has such negative connotations.”
“But it’s true.”
“Well, yes. But I’m not trying to trick you. I would never do that.”
“And why not? What makes me any different from all the other humans you enjoy tormenting?”
“Your personality, your passion, your imagination, your spirit, your eyes, your kiss-”
“And how many other women have you kissed to know that?”
“Why? Are you jealous?”
“What! No…”
“You’ve never been a good liar, don’t take it up now.”
“It doesn’t make any difference. I don’t trust you.”
“And why not? Have I ever lied to you?”
“Well, not that I know of but still-”
“Have I ever tried to trick you?”
“You could be doing that right now-”
“Have I ever hurt you?”
“No…”
“Come away with me.”
…
“What will happen to me if I agree?”
“You’ll be happier than you’ve ever imagined possible. And that really is remarkable considering we’re talking about your imagination.”
“I won’t be your slave for eternity?”
“Faeries honor.”
“Since when do faeries have honor?”
“Point taken. I swear I will not make you my slave.”
“Or give me to another faerie to be their slave.”
“I’ve never been good at sharing.”
“Yes or no?”
“Absolutely not. I’m not sure why you’re having such a hard time grasping this but I love you.”
“Then… what will you do with me?”
“Oh, I’ll leave that to your imagination. Are you coming?”
…
“…ok.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Yes.”
“Marvelous.”